As women, we all deal with self-doubt at times, a subtle force that might hold us back. What we tell ourselves is not always the truth. The thoughts often stem from childhood or emotionally impactful events. As little girls our minds will either accept or reject comments or judgements said by others, especially when the event is significant enough. Our minds don't have filters when we are below the age of 7.
Adults are very influential especially if they are with is or a figure of "authority", such as a parent and teacher, and sometimes cruel words linger. Our elders didn’t always know how powerful their words would be. Saying things like "Don't do that!", “you’re useless”, “you’re too… for that”, “you’ll never amount to anything” or “girls can’t do XYZ” DO affect us whether we are aware of it or not.
I remember coaching my friend's daughter in the UK. She was somehow drawing a blank every time she tried to play her recorder. What was interesting was that she could confidently read the music for her piano classes, but she couldn't read the music for the recorder class. (And yet the music was the same music).
When I coached her, she remembered that her teacher had sternly told her: "You have missed the first lesson in recorder, so you will never catch up!". no wonder she drew a blank because the freeze instinct is actually a response to a traumatic event. and being humiliated in front of the class is traumatic for a small child. The good news is that we had the wonderful tools of NLP and Timeline Therapy TM. we cleared up that issue within 20 minutes and then her mum was holding her hands to her ears because the little girl wouldn't stop playing the recorder incesssantly!!!! LOL!
Why do the doubts stick?
While the attachment to such thoughts are initially a form of self-protection, unconscious mind holds onto significant memories together with the negative emotions and the limiting thoughts as a form of protection. In a way the intention is” so that this never happens again” and then ironically the unconscious mind role is also to photocopy such events repeatedly because it has taken this as a command.
The unconscious mind only controls 95% of our behaviour, and yet we still attempt to beat it up to dismiss it, or to push through challenging situations with simply our willpower or conscious mind. This mind controlled only about 5% of our behaviour, and when it’s carrying a lot of baggage unconsciously… no wonder we end up sabotaging ourselves. We accept second best, we don’t go for that promotion, we stay in toxic relationships, sacrifice for others and find it very hard to put ourselves first or say no. We might worry unnecessarily or compare ourselves to others. We might make ridiculous standards for ourselves to reach and still believe that we will never be perfect.
We don’t do this all the time, and in all areas of life, most of us do it in one or two areas of life and some of the time. Our patterns of thought can be very unconscious, meaning we are not aware of them, which is why it takes a skill and experience Coach to pick up on these and feed them back to the client. If the coach is well trained in interventions, such as belief, change processes., real alignment, values or integrating parts for example, then these self doubts can easily be cleaned up by way of some Wonderful imagination based techniques and processes. What’s even better is that within each emotionally impactful event or trauma that we experienced there is a pocket of our own power and energy that comes back to us as a gift. Alongside this, we upload of learning which are empowering for us and automatically support us as we move along towards our future goals.
How can we release these?
So working with the Coach and doing lots of reflection via journal Ing, reading books, listening to podcast, and any form of meditation or mindfulness will allow you to discover a more empowered, resilient, and fulfilled version of yourself.
Why should we bother to do this inner work?
Here are three practical reasons why addressing self-doubt matters:
1. Unlock Your Full Potential: Confronting self-doubt frees you from limiting beliefs, opening the door to your full potential. It's about recognizing your capabilities, exploring new opportunities, and embracing the possibilities within you.
2. Build Resilience in the Face of Challenges: Addressing self-doubt helps you build resilience, especially during tough times. It's not about eliminating challenges but learning to navigate them with grace and strength. You'll find yourself bouncing back from setbacks with newfound confidence.
3. Create Healthy Connections and Communicate Confidently: Self-doubt can affect how you connect with others. By working through it, you create room for healthier connections. Embracing your worth positively influences your relationships, both personally and professionally.
How can I get started on my journey?
I am currently offering a free 6 step personal growth program especially designed for women and girls to:
Uncover some big fat lies you tell yourself
Pick out empowering and self supporting beliefsWork out which limiting decisions and inner mean girls, you need to confront Learn how to detect self bullying and self sabotage (in your kids too)
Connect better with and trust your Inner Wisdom
Get to know, amazing methodology which will help you to transform your pattern And much more…
Let's connect!
Join my whatsapp free program "6 Steps to Finding Your Brave" by messaging me on +254722756606
✈️Have you ever been to Norway? In the winter? I was so pleasantly surprised by how multicultural my experience was- well it was indeed an international conference .. yet even the locals included Indonesians and Africans and a Pakistani lady who had lived there over 18 years!
❄️The other thing that surprised everyone was how cold I did NOT feel - the -3 temperature was actually refreshing.. and no I am not having hot flashes 🤣not yet anyway!
🙏🏽I am grateful for the opportunity to have met and facilitated a leadership workshop for 103 professionals and senior staff of various organisations and companies across the globe. Very humbled and after 25 years of doing this work I can say I do love my work and can finally really be ME.. even when in front of large groups. It has been a journey.
👩🏽And none of this ever came naturally. I was a shy child until encouraged to dance in stage and express myself non-verbally.. being a highly sensitive person I set myself up for lots of possibility for “feedback - including criticism and continual evaluations by strangers”
🦋Why oh why? I could have hidden as a Librarian or behind a desk. Yet my soul called me out into the public repeatedly. And I grew..
And I am thankful for the journey to date..
🐾What’s your journey?
🐾What stretched you out of your comfort zone?
🐾How did you handle criticism?
🐾What can you now be proud of?
🐾What dreams are still remaining to be fulfilled?
I invite you to take a moment and reflect, process your journey.
And I congratulate you for all that you have survived and achieved no matter how humble or great.
You are YOU and life will keep inviting you to grow..
👍🏽Take a bold step today! You will be thankful later that you braved it!
My dear client Maryanne Karanja mentions here a “dream team”. And she’s right.. everyone needs a dream team .. to support them through the crazy moments and cheer them on when they are back in their path again.
Who is your dream team? And if you are unsure or feel you don’t have one, have you asked anyone to become your dream team buddy? Sometimes we don’t ask?
I once had a client who told me when her mum dies she had no support. And guess what? We reframed that, shed some limiting beliefs. She now has the most supportive boss, her husband kicked into supportive action and she told me she now sees her beloved late mum’s supportive energy in so many people.
Nothing is lost, it’s all within us.. it’s just how we see it! Just a perspective. That can be shifted and licked into place like Tupperware 😉💕
Time to find that dream team, become a buddy for someone, be your own dream team to YOU! See dream teams rather than bullies, critics. Where your focus goes energy flows. (Says one of my dream team, Brett Ellis)
No one does it alone -so why even try! If you need help GET it, it may be costly, date to invest in a good teacher, mentor, coach or give to your buddies and ask when you need sth. Learn to receive!
Thank you Maryanne – you just joined my dream team coz you taught me sth! 🤗
Message from my client who came to me in a hot mess of tears and fear.. in overwhelm and anxiety. She has now pronounced herself a “dare devil” woo hoo!!
This makes my day!!
How cool is that?!
This process I used is called Time Line Therapy TM and it’s not just my business, not just my passion – it’s what saved me from taking anti – depressants and going into depression myself. I had list my job, been bullied, has an ex husband who manipulated me and cheated on me 9 times, I didn’t know WHO I was..
And yet know, hell yeah I can say I took charge of myself and changed from the inside out. Not by “luck” not by meeting the right people, not by magic but through a simple and most powerful proven science of the mind. HOW to learn and change the mechanics of your mind, therefore your thoughts, actions and reality.
I spent the last 13 or so years dedicated to improving my skills and knowledge in this field. I went to Australia and the USA and learnt from the best teachers from Germany and Holland. Not that these countries are superior .. but because it’s not widespread in Ke ya. It’s not easily available.
Let’s learn it in Kenya let’s share it in Kenya. Let our communities and country learn how to think our if the box and make things better ..
I love what I do which is coaching. However I am one human being. So my dream is to teach YOU the skills and the “secrets” so that you too can empower your life and others lives.. one beautiful mind at a time!
I love this story. We get into a rat race and forget that all we ever wanted to have the life we have or had previously. The simple life, before we complicated it. However this is actually part of our evolution because we also need to go beyond the comfort zone, to strive and achieve … and we gain skills and wisdom along the way from our success and from our failure – from our heartbreaks and disappointments and from our stretching of ourselves and experiences that are beyondthe grey, comfort zone.
This fisherman guy with his pipe may already know what he wants but he may also not know what he is missing – it depends on if he has a dream to follow or not, if he’s doing things out of fear or out of following his heart and if he’s really congruent with his current way of life.
And the industrialist guy.. is he is simply a projection? Maybe is he not simply reflecting a part of the fisherman calling him to launch into entrepreneurship? ..or it it the devil testing him .. to see if what he wants and has is still just that.. what he wants … hmmmm…
My conclusion?
Change and evolution doesn’t happen in a straight line
Choose a direction & Follow your heart – first get to know yourself, clear up unresolved stuff and keep following one day at a time!
And I know this is EASIER said than done – the “happy” part!!!
A week ago I realised the year had raced past. December already?? what? how? I was a little under the weather and felt I couldn’t digest it all. Within just over a year two dear sweet friends had tragically lost their spouses. I was beginning to question a lot about the meaning of all these life changes.. and started to feel quite depressed.
It was overwhelming, I thought about the things I hadn’t yet done, I felt unsure if my choices were the right ones, I couldn’t even remember the good stuff or nor recognise my own achievements. I certainly didn’t want to “celebrate” JUST because its supposed to be the festive season! I became skeptical and self-doubting – and dreaded what would be looming ahead… because I was absolutely unable to see the big picture of the past 12 months, let alone “make goals” for 2019! Yikes!
Then I remembered that I have the most amazing tool, which I use annually.
So i I took myself into the garden with my big coloured markers and lots of flipchart paper and the magic began!
Through this beautiful coaching process I began to see all the miracles that I have encountered.. all the events and people that I needed to let go of and forgive. I allowed myself to come out of the numb state I was in and with compassion for myself I felt all the joy and all the sorrow that I had stuffed inside. I admired all the skills I had gained even if aquired through challenging uncomfortable situations – and I saw clearly all the pleasant and unplanned surprises.. I even heard the voices of all the amazing people who have encouraged and supported me directly and indirectly.
This is truly a gift and a skill worth having… I am so happy to have it… in NLP we call it “reframing”, other people call it “harvesting” .. and by using various coaching techniques we can permanently resolve the unfathomable, we can clean up our negative thoughts and feelings, we can clearly set our vision in the part of our minds that control 90% of our behaviour.. we can become still, present, connected and whole again – even when everything around us has been chaotic.. YES!
This is indeed a gift worth sharing with others and who best to facilitate it than someone called a Life Coach?!! Aha! I can show you the HOW of having a “Happy” New Year… for last year and this year!!
So, from my own gloomy miserable day arose my latest offer direct from my heart to yours…
I am offering to SEVEN people only: individual coaching sessions online at $299 only!
The special session includes a reflection worksheet and a personalised 60 minute session to work on whatever we find is your first step towards a more peaceful, happy, healthy and amazing year ahead.
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