Where does self doubt come from?

As women, we all deal with self-doubt at times, a subtle force that might hold us back. What we tell ourselves is not always the truth. The thoughts often stem from childhood or emotionally impactful events. As little girls our minds will either accept or reject comments or judgements said by others, especially when the event is significant enough. Our minds don’t have filters when we are below the age of 7.

Adults are very influential especially if they are with is or a figure of “authority”, such as a parent and teacher, and sometimes cruel words linger.  Our elders didn’t always know how powerful their words would be. Saying things like “Don’t do that!”, “you’re useless”, “you’re too… for that”, “you’ll never amount to anything” or “girls can’t do XYZ” DO affect us whether we are aware of it or not.

I remember coaching my friend’s daughter in the UK. She was somehow drawing a blank every time she tried to play her recorder. What was interesting was that she could confidently read the music for her piano classes, but she couldn’t read the music for the recorder class. (And yet the music was the same music).

When I coached her, she remembered that her teacher had sternly told her: “You have missed the first lesson in recorder, so you will never catch up!”. no wonder she drew a blank because the freeze instinct is actually a response to a traumatic event. and being humiliated in front of the class is traumatic for a small child. The good news is that we had the wonderful tools of NLP and Timeline Therapy TM. we cleared up that issue within 20 minutes and then her mum was holding her hands to her ears because the little girl wouldn’t stop playing the recorder incesssantly!!!! LOL!

Why do the doubts stick?

While the attachment to such thoughts are initially a form of self-protection, unconscious mind holds onto significant memories together with the negative emotions and the limiting thoughts as a form of protection. In a way the intention is” so that this never happens again” and then ironically the unconscious mind role is also to photocopy such events repeatedly because it has taken this as a command.

The unconscious mind only controls 95% of our behaviour, and yet we still attempt to beat it up to dismiss it, or to push through challenging situations with simply our willpower or conscious mind. This mind controlled only about 5% of our behaviour, and when it’s carrying a lot of baggage unconsciously… no wonder we end up sabotaging ourselves.  We accept second best, we don’t go for that promotion, we stay in toxic relationships, sacrifice for others and find it very hard to put ourselves first or say no. We might worry unnecessarily or compare ourselves to others. We might make ridiculous standards for ourselves to reach and still believe that we will never be perfect.

We don’t do this all the time, and in all areas of life, most of us do it in one or two areas of life and some of the time. Our patterns of thought can be very unconscious, meaning we are not aware of them, which is why it takes a skill and experience Coach to pick up on these and feed them back to the client.  If the coach is well trained in interventions, such as belief, change processes., real alignment, values or integrating parts for example, then these self doubts can easily be cleaned up by way of some Wonderful imagination based techniques and processes. What’s even better is that within each emotionally impactful event or trauma that we experienced there is a pocket of our own power and energy that comes back to us as a gift. Alongside this, we upload of learning which are empowering for us and automatically support us as we move along towards our future goals.

How can we release these?

So working with the Coach and doing lots of reflection via journal Ing, reading books, listening to podcast, and any form of meditation or mindfulness will allow you to discover a more empowered, resilient, and fulfilled version of yourself.

Why should we bother to do this inner work?

Here are three practical reasons why addressing self-doubt matters:

1. Unlock Your Full Potential: Confronting self-doubt frees you from limiting beliefs, opening the door to your full potential. It’s about recognizing your capabilities, exploring new opportunities, and embracing the possibilities within you.

2. Build Resilience in the Face of Challenges: Addressing self-doubt helps you build resilience, especially during tough times. It’s not about eliminating challenges but learning to navigate them with grace and strength. You’ll find yourself bouncing back from setbacks with newfound confidence.

3. Create Healthy Connections and Communicate Confidently: Self-doubt can affect how you connect with others. By working through it, you create room for healthier connections. Embracing your worth positively influences your relationships, both personally and professionally.

How can I get started on my journey?

I am currently offering a free 6 step personal growth program especially designed for women and girls to:

• Uncover some big fat lies you tell yourself
• Pick out empowering and self supporting beliefsWork out which limiting decisions and inner mean girls, you need to confront Learn how to detect self bullying and self sabotage (in your kids too)
• Connect better with and trust your Inner Wisdom
• Get to know, amazing methodology which will help you to transform your pattern And much more…

Let’s connect!

Join my whatsapp free program “6 Steps to Finding Your Brave” by messaging me on +254722756606

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